You know, I hate it when I'm glum. I've got stuff going on. I've been making work steadily for the past 2 years. In the past few months I've made 6 large works on canvas and screen. I've been in a city wide festival and been helping to create an awesome alternative art event down here with some fantastic people who want to do something different for this city. I've gotten into people's heads and I'm going to be in some other kind of art show in a couple of months. So long as i keep on this one guy...
Anyway, I gotta keep it up.
Im sorry Ive been out of touch. I went on a trip home and have been reveling in that since I got back to Jax. It was a great trip. I saw a lot of old friends and I'm so thankful for them. The thing is that Im not sure whats gonna happen to me when I get back. It will probably be a lot harder than I think. Ive been out of touch with folks. Many of whom willl be doing great things when I return. They probably wont have much time for me and Im not sure what I will do for work.
All that being said; Im going to keep making work. My work is all I am. Without it Im just a nutcase
So Ive been thinking a lot about my professors at nyu
.All of them truly helped me on my journey towards finding my own voice as and artist by asking me hard questions and not letting me off the hook when I made mistakes. In turn they shared with me the knowledge and questions of the greatest minds of the world
I wonder often if I show them my gratitude often enough.
Nancy Barton, Jesse Bransford, RoseLee Goldberg, Carol Bove, Rico Gatson, Kirby Gookin, Keith Mayerson, Sue De Beer, Hiroshi Sunairi, Peter Rostovsky, David Rimanelli
. Argh the list goes on
And yet, if I were going to be honest with you, I dont know how I feel about them sometimes
. They gave me the keys to the castle and I suppose sometimes they thought I was just throwing the keys away or in some way was ungreatful. I dont always know where I stand with my professors because I hear from them rarely
I always seek them out while other students have been able to maintain an extremely close relationship
. There are days I want to blame them so badly for my failures and yet if it werent for them I wouldnt find myself in the positive creative position Im currently in
☺ All this being said, I havent earned any clout and I may not have made a big impression on them so who fuck actually knows.
I wish I could say to myself with complete confidence that my teachers liked me as a student and as an artist but to be fair I cant say that I loved them at every turn of events
. There are moments when I think back to the jobs I had and I thought things like, sure. Im supposed to be out here as a worker, but maybe thats all they thought I could be
It would have been wiser to see it another way. They gave me access to so many fantastic teachers and the grad program was magnificent! Joan Jonas, Wade Guyton, Andrea Frasieer, Richard Sera , Joyce Pensato, Charline Von Heyl, Matthew Brannon, George Herrold, Troy Brauntuch, Steven Prina, Dana Schutz, Roberta Smith, Ken Jacobs, Jerry Saltz
☺ I very much got a very alternative grad program experience.:)
At any rate, I think what Im getting at here is that Im so thankful for the education they gave me access to and it is worth every penny and any hardship. I hope I dont continue to make the same mistakes I I did in the past.
My desire is in fact that these writings convey my growing ability to answer hard questions regarding my individual perpose in life, which I believe is to create art, challenge, and inform society through acts of art, and our communal purpose as a self aware species in a greater gallexy, which I believe is as a falable but ever learning species. This is not to say that I expect to become an intellectual powerhouse I may well end up a poor man. I am more prepared for that outcome than anyone might know. However I am passionate in my beliefs and Im willing to argue for them, and learn from my mistakes. ☺
Day two of the renewed venture. I had meetings with some people over at the Karples Museum. I'm trying to convince them to let me do some wok to the building itself. nothing too intrusive. I'd just like to awaken people to the building as an alternative exhibition space.... I also got a hair cut from my homes Ferrell over at Pomade&Tonic...
Somehthing else that's been on my mind for a while regarding all the controversies going on with Benghazi, the IRS, and now something else that has slipped my mind... Mainly I'm exhausted from all these so called controversies... It isn't so much that I'm affraid any of these silly conspiracy stories are true... It has more to do with the notion that these individuals are convinced that somehow Obama is some kind of master law breaker. They don't seem to take into account all the crimes of the Bush administration. Furthermore, I'd like to get a big picture statement from the pres... I mean, these conspiracy people are so adamant that this is SOMEBODY'S fault. They are too concerned with who is right and who is wrong and that just doesn't seem very helpful to me... No. I don't believe that Obama had some kind of master plan to hide Benghazi from us. I do believe that they were just using info that was supplied to them at the time everything was going down. I think the people who are clinging to this are ultra conservatives and nutjobs like tea partiers that are desparately looking for a reason as to why they lost so badly in the last election when the truth is that they were going to lose anyway and it has everything to do with their crazy rape, pillage, plunder, and kill policies that lost them this and hopefully the 2014 elections....
I'm really hoping for people to keep vigilant and not listen to dumdums.
PS. This is becoming a sorta bloggggggg:)
At the end of 2010 I was uninspired, overwhelmed, and creatively suicidal by my student loans, lack of romance, as well as the day to day meet and greet with new faces. It's exhausting trying to suss out genuine friends in a city of so many aspirerers and ambitious fiends. I decided that I needed to leave. My parents had recently retired and moved down to Jacksonville Fl so I sold all my stuff and moved down to this weird southern city that sometimes feels like frontier land. It's a true southern city that was deserted sometime in the late 70s and early 80s and I was intrigued by its decay and strip malls and Americanness that is completely different from where I grew up... I figured I could put all my loans into ever expanding stasis and find work in a bar.
Since I moved down here I've been able to concentrate on the things i'm interested in. Performance, community organizing, writing, and learning how to simplify my life. I've learned how to enjoy my work more. I feel that the past 2 years have been filled with a lot of growth and hopefully I'll be able to return home.
My goal for this site is to reflect the things I'm doing more accurately. I plan on posting more writing, pictures, and I hope to gain some dialogue from others. My hope is that it will feel more like visiting me in my studio and give a more clear glimpse into my work as well as my process. I learn so much from the many folks I'm lucky enough to talk to. There are so many interesting people out there who because of their background or their decision to stay in a less pivotal city, become portrayed as forgotten or looked down on. I'd like to think that I make art that reflects them and is in some way for them too...Although I'd really like to start earning a good living through my work....
Thanks for taking the time to read and look through my site.